“Rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life” —J.K. Rowling

Hi, my name is Allison.  

I am a mother. I was a wife. I was a businesswoman.

Who am I right now?  Honestly, I don’t know yet, but that’s what I’m trying to figure out.

Each decade of my life has been filled with highs and lows…just like most people.

10’s

My childhood and teenage years were pretty typical of a suburban kid.  Family, Friends, and school.  I grew up as the youngest of three, with parents who immigrated to the United States from the Philippines.  I grew up on the Jersey Shore.  Before you start imagining Snooki and Jwoww, it wasn’t like that at all.  In fact, I need you to picture “Pretty in Pink” (the rich kids).  That was more of where I grew up.  It was hard being one of a few minorities in my school, but I tried to not let it bother me.

20’s

I went on to Rutgers University, the State University of New Jersey.  Again, typical college life…parties, joining a sorority, meeting boys, and oh yeah classes.  I met Scott in my junior year.  He was a sophomore and pledging a fraternity.  I just remember thinking…”Ugh, he’s a pledge and younger than me”.  But, we started talking, and basically never stopped.

We were married when I was 25, but 5 months after our wedding, Scott was involved in a major car accident and suffered a Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI).  The ironic thing is that I had just gotten promoted at work, and Scott received an offer from his dream job; all one week prior to his accident.  We felt so lucky…to have each other, as well as our blossoming careers; it all felt like a dream.  Then, we woke up. We went from being equal partners, to me being the sole breadwinner in a job that was extremely demanding. It was tough on both of us, as well as our marriage.  We struggled for a few years and even pondered divorce.  However, both of us knew that we loved each other too much, and we decided that life was better together than apart.

30’s

This decade started out pretty wonderful.  I had our son when I was 30.  I took a new job that had us relocating from New York to the Philadelphia area.  Since Scott’s parents lived close to Philly, it ended up working well for our family.  My job was stressful, but I had a job as a Divisional Merchandise Manager, which basically means I bought clothes for a living.  Who doesn’t like the sound of that?

Scott was able to be there for our son, while I worked long hours.  Knowing that our child had a loving parent at home, allowed me to succeed in my job.  We tried for another child, but I suffered a miscarriage. After 2 years of trying to get pregnant, I finally gave birth to our daughter.  Her first year of life was wonderful.  Scott and I had our beautiful family, and we had each other.

Then, my life was forever changed. Scott fell off a ladder and suffered numerous injuries to his head, heart and lungs. I remember when the doctor told me about how grave his condition was, that I sat there in disbelief. I mean, he survived a Tractor Trailer hitting his car, but he wasn’t going to survive falling 8 feet off of a ladder? How can that be?

When Scott died, I was 36 years old, and our kids were 11 months and 5. For 2 years, I was on autopilot. I worked the same intense hours that I had always worked, because that was just the nature of my industry. I hired nannies and au-pairs to raise my kids, while I worked crazy hours. I felt the need to provide for my children at all costs.  (Believe me, I know how lucky I was to be able to support my family and hire help. How single mothers do it without help is amazing to me.  YOU ladies are my hero!)  Then, it happened. My inevitable breakdown. I fell into a major depression and worked with my therapist to try and figure it out.

What I discovered was that the life I was living, was no longer a life I wanted. I was making a good living, but I had other people raising my kids. I worried about what I was teaching my children.  I had plenty of things, but I had no life. Something had to change, and only I could change it.

I was forced to change my life when I lost my job.  I decided to sell my house, and now I’m moving across the country. I’m leaving New Jersey, the only place I’ve ever lived to explore a new life in California. Some people say I’m crazy to go to California. What about the earthquakes? What about the drought? What about a job? ?? All I have to say is, I don’t know. I really don’t know, but I’m going to figure it out.

This blog is about my journey as I approach a new decade. I’m taking my kids and my au-pair and we’re taking a month to explore some parts of the United States. This is something that I’ve always wanted to do, but have never had the time. I’m excited and scared at the same time. Come join me on my journey across the country and on to my new California life.