When I made the decision to move to California, the first people that I thought about were my mother and father in law, Linda and Terry.
Linda and I have always had a great relationship. After Scott’s death, we had become closer. I stopped thinking of both of them as my in laws, and considered them to be my second parents. My kid’s relationship with their grandparents is amazing. Linda and Terry are the kind of grandparents that bake cookies, go to little league games, and just tell them about life. It’s a really nice relationship to watch.
That’s why I knew that the move was going to be most difficult for Linda and Terry. I tried my best for almost 3 years to stay in the area, but after my life fell apart, I had to re-evaluate the different aspects of my life and figure out what was making me so miserable. First, it was my job. Second, it was where I lived.
It’s not that I didn’t love my town, or the South Jersey area, it’s just being there made me feel stuck. Everywhere I turned, there was a memory of Scott. I know that I will always think of him, but if I was going to move on with my life, then a fresh start was necessary. And a complete change of environment seemed like the right thing to do.
Linda and Terry weren’t happy with my announcement, but to their credit they have done their best to support me. I can’t imagine how they were feeling; losing their son, then their grandchildren moving across the country. I have felt terrible about it, but the thought of continuing with my life as it was, seemed unimaginable to me. It was a selfish decision, but it was a necessary one for me.
On the other hand, while my family was sad to hear the news, because they weren’t in my everyday life, I think it was easier for them to handle. My mother passed away in 2008, shortly after my son’s first birthday. Since then, my father, Tony, has traveled a lot. Since I was going to be with my brother in California, I think my dad just thought it was another reason to go out West.
As for the rest of my family, well, I have a very large family. Do you remember that movie, “My Big Fat Greek Wedding”? Well, my family is like the Greek family, except we’re the Filipino version. We’re big, loud and in each other’s business. And when we get together, even if it’s been years, it’s like we just saw each other last week. So, although I’d be on the other side of the country, I didn’t worry about them as much.
The other people that I thought about were my next door neighbors, Allison, Baron and their kids. Our kids have grown up together, practically like brothers and sister. They have a daughter who is the same age as my son and a son who is 2 years younger. So, this was a big change for all of them and none of them were happy about the move.
Allison and Baron had become family to me after Scott’s death. They would pick up my son from school, have him over for dinner once a week, shovel my driveway and sidewalk in the winter, and just be all-around amazing people. We had been friendly with one another before Scott’s death, but after his death they cemented themselves in my heart. I don’t know what I would have done without them.
When I first told Allison about my thoughts on moving, her first reaction was that I would figure out the job situation and I didn’t need to move. Then, she came to me later and said that if I needed to move because I needed a change, then she would support me. Having her understand everything without me needing to explain, gives you an example of how amazing she is. Allison and Baron are just thoughtful and kind, and they are people that I will make sure I keep in my life.
Saying goodbye has not been easy, but I just try and remember that it’s my time to be selfish. I need this change in my life. I don’t know if it’s the right change, but I’m going to do my best to make the most of it.