Hello dear readers…I realize that it’s been a while, and for that I’m truly sorry. But, I’m happy to say that this last year has been one of the best years that I’ve had in some time. I am at a place where I can really say that I’m happy. So, where do I begin?
Well, let me start with where I left off from last year. The last time that I wrote, I was recapping my cross country trip. That has been over a year and a half ago now. Even as I write this, I can’t even believe it because it feels like yesterday. Shortly after I wrote my last post, my au pair left to go back to Spain. It was so incredibly sad, because this girl had made such an impact on my life. But, I knew that it was time, and I was happy for her.
There’s so much to talk about. The events that can happen in one year are astounding. But, I’m going to focus this post on one of the biggest changes in my life. Dating! You see, when I got married 15 years ago, I was happy for a multitude of reasons. First and foremost because I was marrying the love of my life. But, secondly because I was so INCREDIBLY excited that I wouldn’t have to go on any of those awful dates like you see in the movies. I just never thought I would have to go back onto the dating scene. I know the statistics, 50% of marriages end up in divorce, but I had hoped that Scott and I wouldn’t be part of those statistics. Unfortunately, my re-entry onto the single scene was an even worse scenario than divorce, but that’s the reason why they say that “life isn’t fair”. Well, here I was…approaching 40 and having to go back on the dating scene. UGH!!!
Another thing that was completely foreign to me was how I was going to meet Mr. Right? Ew, even the term “Mr. Right” seems wrong. Being older has it’s advantages…namely realism. I was realistic enough to know that there was no such thing as Mr. Right, while my younger self was very naive regarding this fact. I digress….
Unfortunately, no one I knew could “set me up” with someone. Everyone I know is happily married. Yay for them, but not so great for the newly single friend hoping to meet an eligible guy that can fit within my inner circle. Oh well! I guess that left online dating and dating apps. I knew I didn’t want to go on things like Tinder because I knew that was just for hook ups. I thought about Match, but I had heard that was hookup central too.
I finally decided on E-Harmony. I had heard about it, and although I wasn’t sure if it was going to be right for me, I thought that since you had to answer a lot of questions in order to meet someone, that it gave me a better chance of meeting a man who wanted more than a hook up. Here’s what I have to say about E-Harmony. It’s not for me. All of the people that I met on it were weird. I didn’t think they were weird at first, but after talking to them or going out with them, I realized that they were in fact, weird. Or maybe it was just the weird ones who liked me???
The first man I went out with, I will call “The Old Man”. He told me he was 48 (I was 39), but in person, he looked like he was 58. He was obsessed with his lost wealth. He felt the need to tell me that at one point his net worth was $5.0 Million dollars, how he drives a Porsche (an old beat up one), and how he had run a very successful business. He stressed to me that if the Financial Crash hadn’t happened, he would be rolling in the dough. He then bragged to me about how since the crash he had rebounded nicely, and how he was able to save $300 thousand dollars in one year. As he told me all of this, all I could think was “What a DOUCHE!” I wanted to get out of there, but I didn’t want to be rude (this was my first date, and I wasn’t sure of the etiquette. I now know that there is no etiquette, and that if you want to leave, then just leave) And to add insult to injury, he was an awful dresser. I know that sounds shallow, but he wore a shirt with a butterfly collar! I’m just saying…. When he reached for my hand, I not so subtly, pulled it away from him. As we were walking, he suggested that we go out to dinner. I just couldn’t be nice anymore. I made an excuse and got the heck out of there! As I drove home, I had a conversation with Scott. And I could practically hear him saying to me, “Really Alli? This guy??? He’s a TOTAL DOUCHE!” I know honey, not my best moment.
The next man I went out with, I will call “Napoleon”. He looked great on paper…cute, smart, my age, a great job, and he was funny. We texted for 2 weeks before we even had a phone conversation. He seemed too good to be true. We decided to go on a date. He had told me that he was 5’7″. I’m 5’2″, so I thought I would be safe to wear some heels. Nothing too tall, but normal heels. Well….I was wrong. He was NOT 5’7″! He was 5’3″ on a good day. I was towering over him in my heels. I thought once again, “don’t be a B*&tch”, so I stayed. We were at a brewery, and I thought “at least the beer was good”. Luckily the placed closed at 10pm, so I didn’t even have to come up with an excuse to leave this time. He walked me to my car, and then proceeded to get really handsy. I tried to politely push him away, and he said to me, “Come on, you know you want to f*&K me”. I just stared at him. Did the little guy really just ask me that question??? I wanted to laugh, but instead I just looked at him with all the disgust I could muster and said, “Actually that is the last thing I want to do”. I turned around and got into my car and left. Looking back, I wish I had just laughed out loud. It would’ve served the little guy right! Oh well, another one bites the dust….
I’m not going to bore you with every story…there were some good ones and there were some bad ones. I tried some Apps, as well as E-Harmony. I was on Bumble (just the new Tinder) and Coffee Meets Bagel (just a lot of weirdos). I went on more dates. There was the “Stoner Music Producer”, “IT guy”, “Bartender”, “Entertainment Manager”, “Guy who sounded like a Girl”, “Lawyer” and the “Cop”. While some of the guys that I went out with were really nice, I never felt a spark with any of them. I know that many of them were diversions more than anything else. Just someone to hang out with, but knowing that they would never be more than that. I suppose that’s dating. I had never really dated before. I had started going out with Scott when I was in college, and I think that experience is not the same thing. I had no experience with dating as an adult, so let me tell you my thoughts on that now. Dating as an adult totally SUCKS! Now I understand what they talk about in movies. Lots of first dates. It’s so hard to find someone that you “click” with.
I was all ready to give up on dating when a friend of mine told me that I should really try Match. I figured that if Match didn’t work out, then I would just give up on the whole thing. I had already had a great love, and I would rather be on my own, than be with any of the weirdos that I had gone out with. Within the first week of Match, I had a lot of interest, but again a lot of weirdos. The second guy who reached out to me looked really cute and had a nice smile. He sent me a message, and I responded. I started to get excited, but I’ve been through this before. I was waiting for the Poop. What was wrong with this guy? Where was the poop?
His name was Tanner. He communicated with me via messenger on Match. He seemed to be a very funny and genuine guy. After a week, we exchanged numbers and talked on the phone. We talked every day. We finally decided to meet up and go on a date. I warned him that I was the worst about being on time (any of my friends can attest to that). He was a retired Marine, so I kinda figured he might have a thing with being on time, so if that was going to be a deal breaker, then it was better that he found out sooner rather than later. When I got to the restaurant, he wasn’t there (probably because I told him that I was running late 😉 ). I was waiting in the lobby, hoping he looked like his picture. To my delight, he did. When we got to our table, we ordered our food, and talked during the entire meal. We actually closed down the restaurant. After we said good bye, I was smiling as I drove home.
It’s been 7 months since we started dating, and I’m happy to say that I’m still smiling. I think the beauty of dating when you’re older is that you are wise enough to know yourself. By knowing who I am, I know what I’m looking for. I don’t need a guy who will take care of me. If this experience has taught me anything, it has been that I can take care of myself. But, I want someone who I can rely on. Someone I can talk to and share my life with. Share both the good and the bad. A true partner.
It’s funny, when I first decided to start dating…I used to joke with my friends that my first marriage was for love, and my second will be for money. Well, I dated guys with money, and I realized I couldn’t just date someone for that reason alone. I never thought that I could love again. I hoped I could, but I already had had an amazing love once, and I just didn’t think it could happen twice. I’m so happy to say that love can happen again. I realized that my heart is big enough to love 2 men. I will never stop loving Scott. Tanner understands that and supports it. I find myself lucky and blessed to have these 2 wonderful men in my life and in my heart.